don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
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I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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