Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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