so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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