why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
