Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
