No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
