Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
