I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
