So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's the barista slut.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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