can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
