And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
