I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
