My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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