Betty ford says i'm here all night
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
