I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
