well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
