After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
