I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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