I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
