Will you blow on my dice?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
