I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
