A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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