i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
honey bunches of taint.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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