I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
