piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
