well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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