im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
smell my finger.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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