I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
