just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
