question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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