:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
