my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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