Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
