I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
