I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I AM VODKA MAN
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
