My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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