May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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