bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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