There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
