I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize