so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
