Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
