And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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