we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
