MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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