i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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