yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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