If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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