She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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