I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
