Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
