THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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