even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
