I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
