You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
