i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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