you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
