just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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