At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
