I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize