Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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