Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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