careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
