Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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