In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
