i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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