Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
