Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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