why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
