I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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