you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
