I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
