Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
