I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
