I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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