Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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