just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
