I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
