On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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